The Two E’s of Building Better Friendships

John Hopper — 

Grant’s journey has been a difficult one. He has faced family tensions, broken relationships, job losses, and struggles with drug abuse. Often, it feels as though he is like an abused puppy— hesitant, guarded, and unsure of those who get too close. 

We’ve been meeting for long enough now that I don’t even remember how we first met. But I do know that as I’ve heard his story and watched him take intentional steps in healthier directions, I’ve had opportunities to offer plenty of empathy and encouragement along the way. 

That’s exactly how the Apostle Paul calls us to love in Romans 12 when he says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” Oh yes, sometimes love looks like giving people a helping hand or inviting them into your home, but many times, a simple expression of empathy and encouragement is what others are really looking for. 

Think about it: if those around you know you’ll celebrate their wins with enthusiasm and meet their struggles with compassion, who will they turn to the next time life gets heavy—or hopeful? That’s right, they’ll turn to you. Because who doesn’t long for a friend like that? 

What’s exciting is that friendships full of empathy and encouragement often lead to deeper conversations about spiritual matters. When people find someone with whom they can share their struggles and joys, they’re more likely to trust you as a safe space to explore how God might fit into those same ups and downs. That’s been true for Grant, and it can be true in your relationships too. 

So next time someone shares good news, try saying, “That’s fantastic! I know how much effort went into that—well done.” And when they share something hard, respond with, “I’m really sorry you’re going through that. I can see how tough that must be.” And don’t be surprised if, in time, those same conversations lead to opportunities to introduce them to the Jesus you love. 

John Hopper is the Executive Director of REACH, the author of Questioning God and Giving Jesus Away, a lover of a great family, and a big fan of tennis.