Agreeing with Them

Dave Wilson & John Hopper—

If you’re like us, you want to meet people where they are in their spiritual journey and help them take the next step toward God. But how do we do that when people have ideas that are in direct opposition to what Scripture has to say?

In football (either the American or international kind), the athletes begin the game on opposite sides of the ball. They are opponents, and their positions on different ends of the field make that clear. Such is often the feeling when we seek to engage with someone who doesn’t share a Christian worldview. We have our ideas, and they have theirs.

But starting any kind of conversation positioned as opponents rarely goes well. That’s why our first step in a conversation is to get on the same side of the field as our friends by agreeing with as much of their position as we can.

For example, I (Dave) was recently in a conversation with a newfound friend who said, “I think the New Testament was made up by the guys who wrote it.” It’s so easy in a situation like that to jump into a full-blown explanation of why he was wrong. But I knew if I did that, he’d see me as an opponent seeking to score an easy point. That’s hardly the response that would promote a free exchange of ideas.

So I said, “I totally agree—that certainly is a possibility.” Then, after a pause, I added, “But there are a couple of things that bother me about that idea.” Of course, I could have listed what those things were, but that would have just put us on different sides of the field. So I waited.

It didn’t take long for curiosity to win out, and my friend asked, “Oh, like what?” And off we were to a good conversation.

Or take the time when I (John) was asked by a friend, “If there is a God, why is there so much pain and suffering in the world?” At that point, I had a choice. I could either line up against my friend and give him all the reasons why there is a God, or I could say, “You know, you’re right—there is so much pain and suffering in the world. By approaching the discussion in the latter manner, I started the conversation on the same side of the ball instead of as opponents.

When people are brave enough to bring up legitimate questions that deserve thoughtful answers, they often expect you to start by downloading opposing ideas with a “you’re stupid” tone. Isn’t that what happens on all the television shows? But you don’t have to follow that pattern, nor is it best to do so. Instead, agree with people where you can, and don’t be surprised if it changes the tenor of the conversation and opens others to explore new ideas. And maybe even opens them to Jesus.

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John Hopper is the Executive Director of REACH, the evangelism training arm of Search Ministries. He served 16 years as a pastor in Houston, Texas, completed his doctoral studies at Biola University, and is the author of Questioning God? and Giving Jesus Away. He loves his wife, tennis, and apple pie in very different levels of magnitude!

Dave Wilson is the Area Director of Search Nashville. Over the last 15 years, he has led countless small discussion groups about God and life mostly with those in the business community. An Olympic gold medal swimmer in 1984, today Dave enjoys cycling and skiing and makes sure his wife Dru visits their three grandkids as often as possible.