They’re Not Rejecting What You Think
Jake Hartson -
A friend says it casually, maybe across the table at dinner or during a conversation after work: “I don’t really need religion.”
If you’re anything like me, something tightens up in your chest. Part of you wants to defend the church. Part of you wants to explain that Christianity is different. Part of you wants to say, “But you don’t understand.”
I’m learning that’s usually the wrong first move.
Because most people who say, “I don’t need religion,” are not always making a clean argument about God. Sometimes they are naming a wound. Sometimes they are reacting to hypocrisy. Sometimes they are pushing back against an institution that felt hollow, political, performative, or unsafe. And if I rush to defend the packaging, I might miss the person.
I love Jesus and don’t want anyone to reject Him out of hand, but a lot of people are not really rejecting Jesus. They are rejecting what they have seen done in His name. And that distinction matters.
That’s why curiosity instead of defense is almost always the better way to go. Curiosity that says: “Tell me more about that,” or asks, “What bothers you most about religion?” Going this route keeps me from answering the version of the person I made up in my head. It slows me down long enough to hear what the person actually means.
Do they mean:
- religion hurt their family?
- church people seemed judgmental?
- faith feels like wishful thinking?
- life feels fine without God?
Those are different conversations. They deserve different responses.
Taking this path often lets me express similar views or experiences before saying anything else. Because, like my friend, I have had questions about faith, I have been disappointed by religious people, and I have seen things done under the guise of Christianity that did not look much like Jesus. Saying that out loud does not weaken our faith. It makes the conversation more honest. It sets me on the same side of the table with my friend, rather than as a combative “defender of the faith.”
What surprises me most is that when I take this kind of approach, the conversation often moves forward in a friendly manner and even grants me the opportunity to ask, “Can I share how I have processed through that same hurt and pain and disillusionment?”
This is where the conversation can turn, not into a competition or a battle, but into something simpler and more personal. It’s when I have a chance to talk about Jesus.
And isn’t that what we all want—just a chance to tell people about Jesus?
Jake Hartson serves as Search’s Area Director for Orange County, California. After serving as a captain in the U.S. Army and helping international leaders with strategic planning, Jake now spends his days helping people take a next step toward Jesus, alongside his wife and four great kids.
