“I don’t think God is good”
John Frawley -
Those were the words of my friend Jeremy that left me stunned and deeply saddened. As he sat across the table from me, I could tell he felt comfortable sharing more, so I gently asked for clarification and context. “My nephew was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer when he was three years old. I prayed every day that God would heal him. He died a year later. I don’t see how God could be considered loving by taking that young boy’s life.”
Whenever we seek to share God’s love and redemption in Jesus, we must be prepared when people ask, “Where was God when…?” This is not just an intellectual question; it is filled with pain and legitimate concern about God’s goodness. So we must think carefully about how we should respond; it could make all the difference in whether someone takes that next step of faith and trusts in God’s character.
So at the risk of sounding trite, here are a few things I find particularly helpful when meeting with someone who is struggling like my friend Jeremy.
First, acknowledge your friend’s pain and don’t dismiss it so easily. That can happen when we quickly say something like, “Yeah, I went through something similar.” A better response is to express your deep concern, maybe just by saying, “I am so sorry you have gone through that.” When we do that, we are following Paul’s words, when he wrote: “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15, NIV).
Second, avoid trotting out your theological convictions too early. While there may be a time to hear your thoughts on the tension between human suffering and God’s character (theologians call that a theodicy), that time is rarely when you first hear of others’ pain and heartache. Instead, make an effort to listen to and empathize with their story. Remember, if your friends are to trust in God’s goodness, it may well be because they first see His kindness and compassion coming through you.
Third, release yourself of the compulsion to rescue God from the perceived dilemma. Too often we feel the need to get God off the hook. Jeremy did not need to hear a defense of God and His goodness. If anything, he needed encouragement to be honest with both himself and, more fundamentally, with God as he grieved.
Lastly, after listening well and sitting with your friends’ pain, there might be an opportunity to share with them the pain that Jesus experienced, both physically and emotionally. Sadness, disappointment, exhaustion, betrayal, hunger, grief at the death of a friend, and the searing pain of crucifixion marked His life and His death. While we will not always understand the “why” of our pain, we can at least be comforted by the fact that Jesus did not exempt Himself from the pain that we now feel.
John Frawley loves to read, ski, eat barbecue, roast coffee, and cook. But mostly he loves Jesus, his wife Kristina, his three kids, and telling people about his Savior.
