Blind Dates

Alissa Perry  —  

I’m a married woman, but I go on multiple blind dates each month. 

That is, several times a month, I reach out to a woman in my town whom I've wanted to meet, befriend, or get to know better, and I invite her to lunch or coffee.

If someone says, “You should know…”, “You would love…”, or “You should meet…”, I take their recommendation and put out the ask. If I continue to run into the same person over and over again in different settings, I intentionally reach out. Or, if I genuinely want an excuse to know someone better, I make one. 

And here is what I’ve learned in the process:

1. Be honest and bold in the ask. There is something to putting yourself out there, inviting someone in, and simply extending the hand of friendship. There is a vulnerability that is necessary for any healthy friendship, so why not start there?  

2. Care, no matter what. The fun thing about friendship is that it doesn’t have to come with strings attached. Sometimes, if I am led by prayer, these conversations naturally turn to matters of faith without any prompting. But, all the time, these are jumping-off-points for continued conversations and interactions. Many end with one or both of us saying, “Can we do this again?” And on special occasions, these conversations lead to deep, meaningful friendships. 

This is how my close friend Kendra and I met. Someone said she and I should meet, so I texted her and invited her to coffee. Ten years and a lot of life together later, we continue to challenge each other to “move the needle” as we discern what God is asking of us. In fact, my closest friends that I have met in the last 10 years have started this way. 

It is also in these settings that I have been able to intentionally build common ground with people who may not think or look like me. Regardless of the outcome, there is value in listening to the story of another person. 

3. Expect the best. Adults are desperately longing for friends and community – the kind that will wrestle with tough questions and stick around for the often-harder answers. We often hold back; afraid others will shut us down. Perhaps some will, but don’t be surprised if many are glad you came around.

So, instead of hoping people come to you, go to them. 

That’s what Jesus did.

Alissa Perry is the Area Director of Search Columbia (Tennessee). She is a wife and mother who loves going to the beach, eating good food (that she doesn't cook), reading, organizing, playing board or card games with friends, and pretending to be a gardener.